Swift

The Fridge: A Three Act Tragedy

Prologue. 

The Boat Fridge is a house of horrors. It's super deep and has three levels. To access the second and third level, you must remove the first and second levels, balancing these items on the entryway or floor while hunching over the fridge, digging deep. By the time you've done all of that, you have no energy left for cooking or living, and a good old fashioned lay down in despair is required (after you've cleaned off a place to lay down). 

Act 1. The Improvement. October, 2020. Matt decided, as it was winter, to improve the efficiency of the fridge by adding a bead of silicone to the lid. Sadly, his usual brand of silicone wasn't available, so he pressed on with the "super improved, extra special, won't fail" brand. Super! Meanwhile, Lucy Pollyanna wrote an ambitious 6 month shopping plan. After all, the Bahamas only required a negative Covid-19 test taken within 7 days of arrival. We could take the tests, depart Beaufort NC, and arrive in the Bahamas with plenty of time to spare. All we needed was to stock our fridge and freezer for say, 6 months. 

Act 2. The silicone bead is in. The food is in the fridge and freezer. Happy days, thinking about eating delicious, inexpensive, American food, while enjoying the sunny beaches of the Bahamas. The meats! The cheeses! The puff pastry! The butter! I see smiles on clever people, outwitting covid, outwitting Bahamas grocery access and prices. Victory over 2020! 

Act 3. Of course, we had noticed the smell. After all, it was very strong. However, what's a little silicone smell on a boat? I mean, that's just regular boating and not 2020 boating, right? But then, my friends, there's the taste. The extremely objectionable taste. "It's only affecting things not wrapped in plastic", Matt, attempting Pollyanna, said. An attempt to salvage the food by wrapping everything in more plastic ensured, probably locking in the taste in a very efficient manner. After all, this was all about efficiency! 
Cooking becomes nerve wracking when, after creating healthy meals from scratch in a tiny tiny galley, you may, actually, just be cooking silicone food. And you'll still have to do the dishes! No, my friends, Papa John's doesn't deliver to "Mill Creek", or to "ICW MM 100", or even to Beaufort, NC. 

Looks safe? Should be delicious? Think again! 
A fun and frightening game begins: Will This taste like silicone? Surely the 48 eggs are OK, after all they are in plastic and have, you know, a hard shell? Some of the eggs are OK. Some are not. Would Chelsea like some silicone eggs? No, she'd prefer her high quality, freeze dried, raw salmon. It's silicone free, after all. 
Yes, Chelsea, we are jealous!

Surely the silicone can't overpower the strong deliciousness of salami? Yes, yes it can. And, in a genius way, hours after your last disappointing meal, all that remains is the taste of silicone. 

One thing we didn't stock up on? Liquor. We were saving space for all that Bahamian coconut rum we were going to buy. So there's no rum to wash down the silicone with. 

Tinned food has never been more attractive. Tinned soup for dinner? What joy! Tuna and crackers for lunch? Yes, please! Sadly, we're out of tuna, as it's popularity with silicone mad cruisers has never been higher. 

At least there's a limit to how much silicone tasting food a boat fridge can hold? Not really. There's three levels, after all. It's deep. It's so deep it hurts your back to access. And don't forget the full freezer. Full of silicone goodness! 

Epilogue. The Bahamas changed their entry requirements, necessitating a trip to Florida before departure. We have a fridge and freezer still quite full of 6 months of unnecessary and horrid food.  But Matt's happy to report that the fridge and freezer are more efficient than ever.  

What's the most worst home improvement project you've ever done? Let me know in the comments! 

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3 comments

  1. We've had some disappointing meals made with stinky boat water tank water, but not six months' worth. That's no fun at all:(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It makes the times we get take out pizza all the more special!

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